On Wellness Updates

So this is a personal post, and not related to gaming. That’s your warning, so if you don’t want to read about me as a person feel free to go ahead and skip this post.

So as of today it has been 18 weeks, 2 days since I found out that my best friend died. It certainly has not gotten any easier for me in that time, and it probably won’t for a long time. You don’t really get over someone that was an important part of your life for 5 years that easily, especially if you were together for the majority of it. Losing someone you love is never easy but losing someone who is essentially what you would call your better half makes you feel like you died a little bit with them.

I think the biggest things that have changed for me is that I have been more withdrawn from people, often avoiding interacting with friends and family just because it is to difficult to see people going on with their lives. I try to be social on Twitter and Facebook but that is easier than actually being social either through voice chat or in person. It’s bad enough that I want to blow off Thanksgiving with my family just because I don’t want to be around people. I try not to bring anyone else down though, because even if in some dumb way it bothers me that everyone else is moving on and is happy that doesn’t mean I should try to spread my depression to other people.

One of the other things that I have noticed is that I have certainly become more temperamental lately. Often I am annoyed at the stupidest things and get frustrated and angry when I know I shouldn’t be. Examples being people that take more than 20 seconds at a drive thru or people talking to loudly at work. Small, stupid things just have started to set me off.

I’ve certainly been a lot more depressed over the last few months as well. I’m not exactly crying myself to sleep anymore, but it still is really hard to get any rest, which has made me more tired, which has made me more aggravated. Pretty much every day has been an exercise in getting up, going to work, and wishing I could just go home and be alone. But then when I do get home I feel lonely because there is nobody there.

Over the past week I’ve tried interacting more with people over social media and chat, and that has made me feel a bit better. I’m still looking forward to going to PAX and meeting up with people.

It’s still just a difficult time for me, and hopefully I haven’t been to sarcastic to anyone or said done anything that makes me come off as an jerk (except change that word to something that starts with an “a” and isn’t family friendly).

Anyways, that’s really it for the update. The last few weeks have just been hard because of things like playing Assassin’s Creed which was one of her favorite series, to Warcraft expansion announcements I think she would have been interested in. It’s hard thinking about things that she’ll never get to experience now and it hurts. I’m not looking forward to Thanksgiving because that was one holiday we always found time to do for the two of us.

1 thought on “On Wellness Updates”

  1. There’s no timeline on grief, and how long it takes to work through it to a place where it doesn’t at times overwhelm you. The holidays are always a very hard time, and game events and other things you shared will be so difficult. People are often not understanding of the grief of others, they want it to be over so life can go on normally for them. That’s part of why it’s hard to be around others, they seem to require you to hide how you feel, and sometimes you just can’t. Among the people you know, find a couple who you can talk it through with when you need to. Write about it here when you need to. Keep remembering the good things, keep her with you, and eventually she will be a source of strength and comfort to you.

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